Generally speaking, I have a very good self-esteem. Although there are areas in my life that I know I need to work on and change for the better, I am also confident in knowing, that God created me with His own two hands, He breathed into me the breath of life and because of that, I am a wonderful and beautiful person. However, there has been several incidents in my life that my self-esteem was absolutely shot. Times where I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror without cringing. It was in these moments of my life, that I can remember two particular times that my self-esteem was affected in positive and negative ways, simply by the words of a person’s mouth.
♫ “Oh be careful little mouth what you say…” ♪
The first incident happened quite a few years ago at a Heritage Youth Conference. Before the conference I had found some awesome deals on clothes and had all new outfits. I was so excited. I couldn’t wait to wear all my new stuff and I just knew that I would be looking so good! My self-confidence was very high starting out the beginning of that conference; it was probably higher than the clouds in the sky. However, that quickly changed by the words of a very good-looking guy, making fun of me.
♫ “Oh be careful little mouth what you say…” ♪
I didn’t know him or anything about him, but he was tall with blond hair, blue eyes and an athletic build. I didn’t actually see what happened, but my sister saw the whole thing and informed me later on. She said that he had been with a group of young people from other churches and that when I had come over to the table, where all the youth from my church were sitting, when I sat down he smirked and turned to the people he was with and pretended my chair was breaking. Then him and all the people he was with all cracked up laughing.
♫ “Oh be careful little mouth what you say…” ♪
When my sister told me all this I acted like I didn’t care, that it didn’t matter what people said or thought of me, BUT it did. I was shocked and hurt, especially since the people he was laughing with, was people I often hung out with. The rest of the conference my self-esteem was shot. It didn’t matter what I wore or what people said. They would be like, “Oh Mary, you look so pretty!” and I would smile my bubbly smile, and exclaim an exuberant, “Thank you!” But inside I was thinking, “YEAH RIGHT!” When I looked in the mirror, I would think who cares? Why even bother? Your nothing but a big, fat blob! What had made others smile had in turn crushed my spirit. Their laughter was the cause of my tears.
♫ “Oh be careful little mouth what you say…” ♪
There was another time in my life where the words of another very good looking, very handsome, young man affected my self-esteem as well, but this time it was in a positive way. It happened several years ago at another youth conference. Before attending this conference, I had recently been dumped by a guy and aside from being heart broken; my self-esteem level had gone to about zilch. As if that wasn’t bad enough, this guy had found another girl. He had moved on and I was left behind. Then to top it all off, the girl he was now with had a baby. I’m not trying to sound mean or holier-than-thou, I know we’re all human, we all my make mistakes AND I know that when we repent God forgives and its under the blood of Jesus, BUT I just couldn’t believe that he had chosen her over me. I mean she had a baby and I had never even kissed a guy! My self-image became so low it made me feel like my purity wasn’t important, like it didn’t even matter.
♫ “Oh be careful little mouth what you say…” ♪
It may seem brutally honest, but I’m just being real. That is how I felt, worthless. Like trash, like the fuzz between someone’s toes, like the crud on someone’s feet, the dirt under their nails. My self-esteem was by far lower than it had ever been after being slammed by that good-looking guy at Heritage. I had completely given up on my appearance. I never did my hair, hardly even ran a brush through it. I didn’t care about the way I looked. I had this one maroon jumper; with black flowers on it and I pretty much wore that all the time. My friend Janelle says that she remembers that I would wear that jumper to church on Sunday and then sure enough I would have it on again for church Wednesday night. She says that she remembers saying something to me about it, like, “um Mary, didn’t you wear that on Sunday?” She says that I would just shrug my shoulders like, whatever, who cares!
♫ “Oh be careful little mouth what you say…” ♪
And so that was the mentality I went with to this conference. I just didn’t care about the way I looked. I figured if I couldn’t get this one guy to like me, then it wasn’t like I could get anyone else to look at me. I remember on the last night, I had a date to the banquet and everything, but it didn’t matter to me. I remember we were getting ready for church that last night of conference and the girls in my room were getting all dressed up and they asked me if I was going to do my hair for my date, I just looked at them. They were like come on Mary; “You have a date, YOU HAVE TO DO YOUR HAIR!” I remember I just got my hairspray, brush and bobby pins, handed it to the girls and was like, ok then, do my hair. So my best friend did it for me. She put my hair up in pretty little rolls and put on my cute little zebra headband to match my outfit and I guess I looked good, but I honestly don’t remember thinking about it, or even glancing in the mirror. I just didn’t care.
♫ “Oh be careful little mouth what you say…” ♪
That night after service I remember walking around, mingling with my friends and socializing. While talking to some people, I noticed from the corner of my eye a very handsome young man. Now when I say handsome, I mean very, very handsome! He was by far; way better looking than the guy that had made fun of me previously at the Heritage Conference. I mean he was the kind of guy that when I saw him my heart literally skipped a beat and I didn’t think I could breath right. Every girl has that one guy that is just above and beyond any other guy they have ever met. That one guy, that they consider, the best looking guy in the world, and even though most everyone I knew didn’t agree with me, to ME, he was that one guy.
♫ “Oh be careful little mouth what you say…” ♪
As I stood there chatting with my friends, I see from the corner of my eye that he is looking at me. I think it’s just my imagination, but then I see him look again, this time he leans over and whispers something to his friend. I think, “Oh great, just another cute guy making fun of me.” But then he starts to come over to me, then he stops, glances at me again, whispers to his friend again, his friend whispers back and then he comes over. I’m trying to be casual about it, but inside I’m freaking out. I mean I’ve kind of known this guy most of my life, but just as an acquaintance and I’ve never really talked to him. He shakes everyone in our groups hands, says hi to us all, then he turns to me…
♫ “Oh be careful little mouth what you say…” ♪
I can’t remember what all he said to me, since I was quite flustered at the moment, but I remember him complimenting me on my appearance. He said something about me losing weight and he congratulated me on it. He said that I looked good. I was shocked. It happened so quickly all I could do was stand there speechless. He was what I considered, the handsomest guy I had ever seen, and he was complimenting… ME!
♫ “Oh be careful little mouth what you say…” ♪
All the girls were like, oh is that why you went and stood over there, because of him? I was like, “NO!” Honestly, I had noticed that he was at church that night, but I didn’t think twice about it. I mean, if this other girl had gotten the heart of the guy that had dumped me, there was absolutely no way in the world that I was going to be able to get the best looking guy in Pentecost to even look at me, let alone come over, shake my hand, say hi, AND GIVE ME A COMPLIMENT!
♫ “Oh be careful little mouth what you say…” ♪
This young man’s words affected me in a very positive way. I know it probably wasn’t easy stepping out the way he did and paying me that compliment. It took some guts to do it, but because he did, I went home from that conference a different person. Aside from developing an even bigger crush on him, my spirit was lifted and my self- esteem began to be restored.
♫ “Oh be careful little mouth what you say…” ♪
After that night I became determined to care about the way I looked. We had Saturday night prayer meeting the next day after conference and I was like, you know what it may just be prayer meeting but I’m going to do my hair for it. It’s been quite a few years since that happened, but I can’t remember a Sunday since that conference that I have gone to church without my hair all fixed up. (Aside from the time I overslept and had to go to church with curlers in my hair! ;) I decided I liked looking good and started doing my hair all the time even for work. My brothers would look at me and be like where are you going all fancy? I’m like; “work”, and they would just look at me, like I was crazy. I remember everyone at church would look at me like all shocked and just be like, why are you all dressed up? Is there going to be a cute guy here or something? I would be like nope, I just feel like looking good. Eventually, everyone just got used to me getting all dressed up for no particular reason and I think they would be more shocked now if I didn’t.
♫ “Oh be careful little mouth what you say…” ♪
However, I continued working on myself, my appearance, taking care of myself and losing weight. Of course my crush continued to blossom and I remember a lot of people telling me not to get my hopes up and that they didn’t want to see me get hurt. I was just like you know what, “I’ve already been hurt and when I look back on it all, I think, it really wasn’t worth it, and I know that it may happen again, but it’s ok, because this guy is so worth taking that risk.” As time went on that guy never did return my interest, but he did become my friend. And even though I know, he knew that I liked him, he was never rude to me and he always treated me with respect.
♫ “Oh be careful little mouth what you say…” ♪
Eventually, I got the hint, I realized that he wasn’t interested in me and even though I was disappointed and I cried a few tears, I was ok. Because of the way he treated me, my spirit wasn’t crushed and my self-esteem was still intact. Looking back, I can say, “he was worth it” and if I ever have the chance to talk to a girl he is interested in, I would give him the highest recommendation to her and sincerely mean it. Yes, I truly believe that God used the kindhearted words, of a good-looking young man that day to restore my self-esteem.
♫ “Oh be careful little mouth what you say…” ♪
The Bible has a lot to say about the words that come from our mouth. James says, “ Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth! And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity; so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell.” (James 3:5-6) It’s so easy for us to let unkind words slip out of our mouths without even thinking about it, to call someone ugly or some kind of rude name and if their feelings get hurt we act like they are the one with the problem, because, “they don’t know how to take a joke.” Sarcasm is considered cool and yeah, to some degree sarcasm can be funny, but it’s not a trait I would personally want to be known for.
♫ “Oh be careful little mouth what you say…”
What does sarcasm mean? Sarcasm means, expressing or expressive words of ridicule that wounds (wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn). Sarcasm is the rhetorical device of using a characterization of something or someone in order to express contempt. It is closely connected with irony, in that the two are often combined in the same statement (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sarcastic). Sarcasm - is one kind of irony; it is praise, which is really an insult; sarcasm generally involves malice, the desire to put someone down, eg, "This is my brilliant son, who failed out of college." (academic.brooklyn.cuny.edu/english/melani/lit_term.html) Sarcasm- a form of verbal irony in which apparent praise is actually harshly or bitterly critical (www.wwnorton.com/litweb/glossary/glossary_s.htm). According to Wickipedia Encyclopedia, the origin of the word sarcasm comes from the ancient Greek word sarkazo meaning 'to tear flesh'.
♫ “Oh be careful little mouth what you say…”
‘To tear flesh’. Something tells me that Jesus wouldn’t be very fond of sarcasm. I don’t think he would laugh it off and come up with witty little sayings about it. Jesus says in Matthew, “Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. (Matthew 11: 29-30) Sarcasm just doesn’t seem to fit into those scriptures anywhere. Jesus describes himself as meek, humble and a place of rest. Furthermore, he tells us to take that same spirit upon ourselves. We should be a place of solace and rest to one another, not some kind of butcher block that tears each other down with our words.
♫ “Oh be careful little mouth what you say…”
Even the best looking, most affluent people, have their bad days. There are times in our lives where we just don’t feel like we’re all that. No one ever would have been able to guess how those words had affected me from that Heritage conference all those years ago. I acted like, I didn’t care and I seem like the kind of person that wouldn’t care. I know to some degree how to hold back the tears in public, but the truth is that it did matter and I did care. You may think, oh that person is strong, they won’t take it the wrong way, but you can’s see their inside and you just don’t really know. We’re all human and although some of us are more sensitive, none of us are immune to getting hurt. As the song Hezekiah Walker sings, “I need you, you need me, we're all a part of God's body I pray for you, You pray for me, you are important to me, I won't harm you with words from my mouth, I love you, I need you to survive.”
♫ “Oh be careful little mouth what you say…”
My self-esteem was strongly affected in two different ways, simply by the words of two individuals’ mouths. I don’t think that guy from Heritage is some kind of horrible person. He was just trying to look cool in the eyes of his friends, but he wasn’t thinking about me as a person or how his words might affect me. The truth is that most of us have all made fun of someone at one time or another. I’m sure the other good-looking guy has, and I for sure know that I have done my fair share of saying unkind things and making fun. There is an old saying that says, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” That saying is NOT true! Words can hurt and sometimes even more than sticks or stones ever could. Words are a powerful tool that can be used in a positive or negative way. Words can slice and dice a person right up. The Bible says "Death and life are in the power of the tongue," (Proverbs 18:21).
♫ “Oh be careful little mouth what you say…”
However, your words can also be a blessing and bring nurture to a hurting person. "Pleasant words are a honey comb, Sweet to the soul and healing to the bones" (Proverbs 16:24). How are your words affecting people? How are my words affecting people? Are we lifting people up, causing someone to smile? Putting on the light in someone’s eye? Or are we slaughtering people? Slaying them with sharp words and stomping out their flame? “Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD…” (Psalm 19:14). ♫ “Oh be careful little mouth what you say!”♪
